


devour you in secret

by lionsenpai, Zerrat



Category: Drag-On Dragoon | Drakengard, Drakengard 3
Genre: Ace!One, F/F, Four has a ton of issues, Hate Sex, Intonercest, One wants nothing to do with them, Pseudo-Incest, Sexual Repression, but Five wants it all, sort of, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-02-26 16:23:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2658527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionsenpai/pseuds/lionsenpai, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zerrat/pseuds/Zerrat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four walks a fine line between who she really is and who she wants to be. When she receives information that will surely make One happy, she's certain that her kindness, her diligence, her devotion to the cause will validate the person she wishes she was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Content notes: pretty dark in terms of Four's hatred for herself and everything else, all of her other serious issues, mentions of genocide and finding pleasure in violence.
> 
>  
> 
> _Obscenity, which is ever blasphemy against the divine beauty in life, is a monster for which the corruption of society forever brings forth new food, which it devours in secret. -- Percy Bysshe Shelley_

Five was watching her again. 

It stuck like thorns in the forefront of Four's mind, far worse than was normal even for her. The very idea set her skin crawling and her pulse racing, making the jovial banquet hall about her seem more oppressively inane than every before. Unable to stand the thought of her sister's gaze on her, Four quickened her stride as she crossed the hall, eager to be done with the mingling duties One seemed to favour. 

No matter how Four twisted and turned the thoughts, though, it seemed impossible to focus on anything but Five - _Five_ , who was seated like some sort of queen admist followers and would-be lovers, reclined back against cushions and really no better than the tyrants they had only recently deposed. Without even needing to look, Four could just picture Five's expression. Her smile would be smug and selfish and _predatory_ , as if she owned Cathedral City and everything in it, her gaze narrowed and heated. 

Five disgusted Four, and that was why her thoughts always seemed to cycle back to her _indecent_ sister, almost like a fixation. 

Beneath the intense scrutiny, the sweat seemed to track hot-cold down Four's spine, and she wet her lips nervously. Such a reaction bothered her - she had no reason to feel this way, none at all. She'd hardly done anything out of the ordinary today. She hadn't changed her routines, not since Zero had fled. 

There was nothing at all about Four that would warrant such blatantly _inappropriate_ stares from Five in the tense days since.

_Nothing._

Really, Four thought, wishing again that this banquet hall was far smaller than it was. One would need to talk to Five about propriety at some point, if she ever hoped the youngest of them would make a halfway reliable ruler in the Land of Seas. Why One had so far neglected to do so was beyond Four; perhaps that in itself was the message. While Four would never dream of such forwardness... maybe it was that One's lack of action merely meant she wished Four to take up the task instead. 

Whatever the reason, it bore no consideration currently. All Four wanted to do was get away from that measured, assessing gaze Five seemed so fond of turning on her lately. She wanted to be rid of the stubborn curl of deep frustration in her gut, growing stronger each day since -

 _Since the elves and Gabriella and unbelievable joy_.

Four wanted to go to her chambers and scream until the very foundations of the whole Cathedral cracked and broke apart. Maybe then she'd feel better. Maybe then she'd be stronger, better -

One of her captains from the Land of Mountains stepped in her path then, his greetings and platitutes lost in her rush of irritation as her most obvious escape route was decidedly cut off. 

Five was still watching - Four could feel it, practically a brand tracing between her shoulders, unerring, intense. Her mouth felt parched, sticky, her heart thundering in her ears and _that heat_ starting up deep in her stomach. She didn't listen as her captain continued, her hands slowly curling into fists. What right did Five think she had, to stare in such a manner?

"-tracked down the last of the lord's men, as per your orders," the captain was saying, offering her a sharp salute and holding out a sealed scroll container. 

_That_ banished all thoughts of Five immediately, and Four held out a hand, her chin lifting just as she'd seen One do. 

"I'll take that report," Four told him, voice even. She didn't bother to ask him is name. No need to condition these soldiers to seek praise for merely doing the task for which they were sworn. She did, however, manage a smile, for all that it was never any comparision to Two's brilliance. Swallowing the bitter twist in her throat, Four continued, "The world will not forget this moment - and neither shall I."

The scroll container was heavy when the captain passed it to Four - the field report, then, but such trivialities did not concern her. So long as its contents were true and the captain was indeed correct, she didn't even care. If her soldiers had finally rounded up the last of the lord's men - Four's lip curled in distaste at the very thought of the greedy, corrupt little man she'd seen hang - then she would _finally_ have some good news for One. 

The corner of her mouth lifted in something that felt almost like satisfaction. Surely _this_ news would cement her place as the best of all One's sisters, the one so devoted to the cause that she'd hunted down even those last stragglers to have them face judgement. One would open her arms, Four just knew it. She'd thank Four for her diligence in that incredible voice filled to brimming with perfect song. 

Recognition. It was everything Four craved, and really, the key to it was in her hands, heavy and dusty from the road. She said nothing further to the captain, brushing her way past him on her way to a better future. 

One, of course, would be so proud. 

It was only at the threshold of the banquet hall that Four remembered Five. Despite her misgivings, she turned sharply on her heel to look back over her shoulder. Five remained, surrounded by her whores and idiots as they hung off her body, the centre of attention, desired by _all_. Despite all of that, Four knew the truth with a white-hot certainty. 

She held Five's attention.

Four felt sick with it, that unbearable heat sour in her stomach and her pulse spiking. There would be time enough to deal with _Five_ later, though. For now, Four was going to enjoy her moment. 

Her thoughts circled as she left the hall, though, and dogged her every step. Who the hell did Five think she was, anyway?

###

However Four had imagined her conversation with One would go, she'd expected... _more._ When she'd knocked on the door to One's library and had heard her sister sigh a response, she'd entered with a smile and had even proffered the scroll grandly. 

One had looked tired. That had been no surprise, considering all the responsibilities she shouldered alone. Four had been so happy to tell her that at least _some_ of her worries were over, as she had finally eradicated all dissenters from the Land of Mountains. 

She'd waited for a nod, a smile, maybe even a laugh. Her entire body on had teetered on edge, because surely this was it... One, however, had pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing long and low with her fingers still on the page of the old text she'd been reading before Four had knocked. 

There had been only silence for a long while, One's gaze searching Four's. 

Whatever she'd found... it hadn't been enough. Or it had been too much. Or -

"I suppose it's for the best," One had said, returning to her dusty old tome, her tone as mild as if Four had merely told her the crops had been going well! "Those lords were monsters."

"Yes. Monsters," Four had replied, a wash of dizziness making her blink rapidly. After all the resources she'd poured into this mission, the chases she'd led herself, the strategising and stress and miserable nights in the snow... The high she'd been riding since she'd gotten the news crashed down on her. For a moment, it had felt as though Four was drowning in it, her breath frozen in her throat.

She'd watched One, her eldest sister, her everything - and she'd truly wondered if One even loved any of them, or if they were no better than all the stupid books she'd been walling herself away with. _Less_ than! Four's heart was pounding, her throat dry - her song spiked before she could clamp down on it, and One looked up in surprise. 

"Four?" Concern coloured One's tone. Four couldn't stand it. 

"I'm sorry. I thought that... this would make you happy." It had been Four's error, really, to believe that One would ever _praise_ her. It was her error to believe she'd finally earned it.

"Four, I..." One had hesitated, always _hesitated_ when she looked at Four. Why? What did Four have to do to deserve One's affections? She was more dedicated than Two, saner than Three, and Five, _Five_ was just -

Four hadn't stopped, turning her back on One before her sister could say anything further. She needed space to breathe, away from the study and the scroll and _One_. She needed to think without craving blood on her hands and the very city to crack and burn under her power. 

So consumed she'd been in her own turmoil, Four only just looked up in time to keep herself from slamming head first into Five. She recoiled back a few steps, alarmed and off-balance, but as it was, it was probably the closest look at her sister's impressive cleavage that Four had gotten in recent months. Her face flushed hot, and she returned her gaze to that safe spot above Five's shoulder, her breath catching strangely in her throat. 

"What were _you_ doing, lurking around here?" Four demanded, her voice sharper than she'd intended. After the mess of things she'd made with One, however, Five was the very last person she was equipped to deal with. 

Four felt strangely empty. _Adrift._ She didn't know what to do, what to think, caught somewhere between anguish and something so black it terrified her. 

"Oh, Four. Just who I'd _wanted_ ," Five said, her voice a croon that made Four's stomach give a violent wrench. Five crossed her arms beneath her breasts and tilting her head to the side. Her smile was a twisted one as she continued, "And you were doing so well, too." 

Four's mouth tightened. "I don't have time for this, Five."

"Where on earth could you possibly be going at this hour? I wonder." Five's golden eyes flickered from Four to One's study door, and that twisted smile became knowing. "Oh, Four. How daring. Tell me. Did she enjoy it, or am I going to need to satisfy her for you?"

"Don't talk about One that way! She - you-" Four's words trailed off as her face grew even hotter, but Five's words had... settled her. The bitter despair that had ruled her gut had loosened - suddenly, that blackness hardly seemed so scary. Anger? Anger she could deal with. It was something she could _use_. It filled the empty chasm in her chest, hot and choking until she trembled with it. 

She stepped forward, her hands curling into fists again, practically daring Five to challenge her. Maybe if Five did, she'd have a good excuse to hit her. She'd have the _right_ to hit her. 

She longed to lay out Five flat on her back, longed to hear Five's breaths become shuddery and laced with pain -

"Get out of my way, Five, or..." Four trailed off, because as attractive as the mental image was - so attractive it _hurt_ \- voicing such things would be inappropriate. That did not sto her brows drawing together in consternation when Five merely _laughed_. 

"Or what?" Five asked then, her voice slow and lingering, clinging to Four's ears indecently. She advanced a step, her movements confident and graceful as she tapped her chin with the tip of her gloved finger. "By all means, Four. What exactly will you do? I'm just aching to know."

Four's stomach twisted again, and she looked away. It wasn't like it mattered _what_ she'd do. It wasn't like any of what she did mattered at all - why did One never seem to care? Four never seemed to make her happy, failing again and again and _again_ until she had to wonder what was wrong with her. 

Why? 

Five hummed as the silence stretched on, her expression becoming thoughtful. 

"Your crush on our sister One is endearing, I agree. But don't you feel as though it's a trifle..." Five hesitated, closing her eyes for a moment, as though attempting to seek the correct word. "Well. I suppose I need not say more?"

Four went rigid, Five's words cutting through her every justification, her every pretence. It was exactly what Four feared, all she woud not admit. 

"Be quiet, Five!" Four snapped when Five opened her mouth once more, her words sharp steel in the silence of the hallway. "I've had enough."

"Oh, there it is," Five said, a delicious sort of hoarseness to her voice that sent shivers right down Four's spine. "Sometimes I wondered if it was all my imagination and Gabriella's gossip. Your sweet little act is almost convincing these days."

"Act? I don't act at all!" Four shot back, speaking too fast, too much, because she _did_ and that was the worst part. She turned away from Five, determined to be done, to leave her sister alone in the hallway. She wanted to forget One and her apathy, dreams, those questioning looks that saw beneath all Four tried so hard to be. "I don't understand what you're talking about."

Five's hand shot out before Four could leave, her fingers curling around her wrist, the grasp tight enough to fracture bones of any but Intoners. Four looked up, her mouth twisted in bitter hopelessness, meeting Five's eyes - and froze. Five's gaze was like fire, feverish, intense and devouring, seeming to seek something that, unlike One, she was actually finding. 

_One._ Four hurt, the pain echoing deep in her chest, somewhere beneath the rage Five had so quickly brought forth. 

"I know all about the elves, Four. You shot fleeing men right out of the sky! Women and children too. When I heard what you did, well." Five's eyelids fluttered almost invitingly, and Four watched her step closer, every inch the grace she craved for herself. Five's perfume clouded her senses, the scent of food and wine, skin and desire suddenly heady between them. "I just knew I had to see this wonderful darkness of yours. To taste it all for myself."

It was so selfish - and so Five. Four tugged her wrist from Five's grasp, and the pleased murmur the gesture elicited was enough to send hot-freezing sweat tracking down her spine once more, but she did not back down. Instead, she bared her teeth, though standing this close to Five, Four had to tilt her chin. 

Five, after all, was right - what point was there in pretending otherwise? 

"They were pirates, Five." Four's voice sounded cold, commanding, just as she'd always wanted. She smiled, the expression stiff, frozen despite the anger roaring deep in her chest. If Five wanted her rage, then she could _have it._ "They were thieves. Murderers. Brigands. They all deserved what they got and I'd burn a thousand more ships from the sky."

Five did not recoil as Gabriella or One had, as Four had come to expect from all. Instead, she leaned in closer, her whole body shuddering and her eyes molten heat. This close, Four could not help but think of how much like Decadus she was - only Decadus had never quite held Four's attention in such a fashion. The way _Five_ always had. 

Five, who Four hated more than anything. Five, who represented everything Four wanted and refused to take for her own. Her mouth felt dry -

And One hadn't given a damn about the pains Four had gone to. 

_One._ Four glanced away from Five's eyes, her breath shaking as she looked back to One's office door. Just a step, and she could be back inside. Surely she could make One see the truth, see the necessity of such justice. Four had done it for her, all for her -

"Do you truly believe that... _this_ ," Five said, following the direction of Four's gaze, her voice soft and languid enough to wreak havoc on Four's nerves. "Is what our dear sister One desires? Hardly. One doesn't even deserve to sample such darkness."

Four's breath was coming fast, shaking, and she looked back to Five, swallowing hard. She didn't resist as Five leaned in, letting her eyelids flutter closed.

"I, on the other hand..." Five murmured, and Four almost choked on the lump in her throat when she felt Five's lips brush against her cheek, already imagining the wet-hot trail of tongue on her skin. "I want it _all."_

Four's shivers were sharp down her spine, the skin between her shoulders prickling until she felt ill with it, but the anger in her didn't stutter for a moment. She wasn't really sure who her anger was directed at - Five, or One or herself?

Five was here now, though, provoking her. Five wanted her darkness, every cruel urge Four had tried to keep bottled up and starved beneath the surface. Five wanted _this._

Four was moving before she fully realised it, fuelled by rage, bitterness, desire, bringing the back of her fist sharply across Five's beautiful face. The blow was hard enough to cave a human's head - that was something Four well knew by now, something cold and frightening in her chest observed - and blood splattered to the hallway rug. Five stumbled back, off balance, her sharp cry of pain addictive and sweet.

Just what she'd wanted. Four's attention flickered, drawing down. There was blood on the back of her gloves, Four noted, her song spiking oddly, the internal beat unsteady as her own rapid heartbeat, angry and - _wanting._

The desire exploded in her chest, in her mind, and she knew that whatever leash she kept on herself had shredded. 

Four knew she should care, knew she should _stop_ , but it all seemed a task beyond her weary, pointless control. She shoved Five back into the hallway's whitewashed walls, following her, not giving her even an inch. The back of Five's head impacted badly, eliciting a ragged groan from Five's lips that went straight between Four's legs, sharp and hot. For a moment, Four grappled with Five, digging and twisting her fingers into clothing, into flesh and she was even unsure if she wanted to tear her sister's pretty throat out or - or -

She pressed her lips against Five's neck as she felt her sister's hips roll against her, felt Five's fingers curl in the back of her waistcoat, but the moan that tore its way free from her own mouth was more wrath than pleasure, for all she throbbed and ached so unbearably. Five was saying something, _always_ saying something, and Four seized her mouth, tongue lapping at the cooling blood from Five's nose and split lip. The injuries had already healed with motes of song, knitted together into smooth flesh once more, but it was enough. It was _enough._

"Four -" Five forced out between kisses, sounding so satisfied Four felt like she was going to either throw up or cave Five's ribs in with her fists. "I always -"

"Be _quiet._ " Four snarled the words, because she didn't want to hear it. Not now. Not _ever_. She didn't want to admit it was happening at all, that she wanted this, _Five_ of everyone ever, and suddenly, her breath was sobbing. She kissed Five again, needing something to anchor her as her song spiked again, anything. She wasn't sure if it was better or worse that her sister's mouth was open and wanting and welcoming - all that One had never bothered to be for her. 

Depravities littered her mind, both attractive and repulsive, clamouring for the attention she'd refused to give them for so long. Four wanted to see Five hurt, of course she did. She wanted Five bleeding out and writhing beneath her touch, but it wasn't right, wasn't _her_ even if she couldn't seem to stop. 

Even if she didn't want to. 

Four needed this, but it would be on her terms. It was so hard to focus when all she could taste was the blood from Five's lips, the iron tang sharp on her tongue. She snarled, low and vicious in her throat, when her sister tried to draw back, when she tried to trail those fingers up the insides of Four's thighs, tried to touch her. 

"No," Four forced out, between kisses, her voice like heated steel. "Don't move."

"Oh?" Five breathed, and when Four looked up at her, her expression seemed almost entertained by the order. Four's teeth bared, and she bit back the impossible string of slurs she wished to throw in Five's face, to hurt Five the way she herself was hurting. The idea, again, sharpened the tug of pleasure deep in her gut until she trembled with it, until she couldn't put it off any longer.

She wanted it so badly, and a cold, bitter part of her mind observed that this - _Five_ \- was exactly what a monster like her deserved. 

Without a further word, Four fumbled at her glove, stripping it from her hand and shoving it in her waistcoat pocket. Five merely watched her, obedient and still for now, raising an eyebrow as Four pressed up against her again. 

"Four?" The skin of Five's collarbone was hot against Four's cheek, the scent of sweat and perfume dizzyingly intense. She could smell Five's arousal, her _own_ , and she shied away from it, turning her head. "I'm much more fun when I -"

"It doesn't count," Four broke in, drawing up her own skirt and dipping her fingers beneath the waistband of her underwear. She couldn't catch her breath, and even if she could, she knew she'd sound no less pathetic - no less pleading. "If you don't touch me, it doesn't _count_."

That earned her a laugh. 

"It counts, dear sister." Five's voice was hot against Four's ear, her breath raising goosebumps and shivers across Four's flesh. "It counts and you just know it does." 

Four bit out a slur she could hardly process, her face flushing hot with shame. Regardless, she drew her fingers against herself, already wretchedly, hopelessly wet. She rocked into Five at the touch, desperate for more, pressing harder, faster, desperate to be over and done with it, however wonderful it felt to give in. Five didn't stop talking though, not for a moment, her voice constant and teasing and forcing Four's rage until - 

"One's in the office. Just over there, only a thin wall between us all." Five's voice was breathless and hoarse, as though Four's fingers were pressed hard against her instead. "I'm just sure she knows what we're doing."

Four shuddered and her snarl had become more a moan, no longer more anger than desire. The heat in her gut and between her legs was building far too quickly, sharp and spiking until her body hummed with it beneath her skin, song and lust cut completely loose. She squeezed her eyes shut, drawing quick strokes against herself that trembled but never faltered.

"That's it," Five whispered feverishly against Four's ear, coaxing. Her lips parted, her tongue hot and wet and just what Four had always imagined as it traced down. At some point, her hands hand moved, pressing hard against the small of Four's back, holding her close with iron strength. "Just like that." 

Four let out a sound that was pleasure, frustration and despair, shamefully loud in the silence of the hallways, her breath too harsh and fast, hot against Five's collarbone and she was shaking like a leaf in the wind. But she was almost, _almost_ there if only she could allow it - 

She was going to go mad before she finished, she was sure of it, and she forced out between sharp, gasping breaths, "I can't -" 

"Then try harder," Five told her, her tone mocking and amused. Four's rage flashed white hot, and her free hand, previously balled into a fist at her side, slammed flat against the wall by Five's shoulder. 

Without wasting a moment and before Five could open that filthy mouth of hers again, she curled her fingers in the soft hair at the back of Five's neck, yanking her sister's head back painfully. She was only satisfied when she caught the sharp groan deep in Five's throat, that needy viciousness rising up in Four's chest, hot and choking. Four's breath shuddered in her lungs as she tightened her grasp, pulling until she was sure she'd ripped hair free. 

One would never have enjoyed it. Not like _this_ , but Four did and that was the most shameful part. Five was right, Four knew it, knew exactly how damning her actions were. One would be able to hear every breath and every word. 

She'd know exactly what kind of depraved monster her sister really was.

Four's climax hit her completely without warning, hard and fast, and she bit down on her lip in a futile attempt to stifle her moans, tasting her own blood amidst Five's. It rang through every nerve ending, sweet and terrifying and spiking her song into glorious chaos against Five's, before she felt her body go slack, replete for the first time in as long as she could remember. 

The hallway was silent but for the shaky pull of Five breaths, the ragged gasp of Four's own. 

Five's arms gently wrapped about Four's shoulders, steadying her, and for once, she remained silent. Instead, Four felt Five press a kiss to her temple, stroking her hair in a way One never did, and it was nice, it was -

Four sucked in a trembling breath, still in shock, but she lacked the strength of will to push Five away, to stop her from kissing her cheek, her throat, her hair. 

She didn't want it to stop.

And really, as much as Five had provoked this, as much as One had triggered it... all of Four's loathing was directed inward, and she could not have hated herself more even if she tried.


	2. apples and arsenic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the root of it all, Four is only trying to fool one person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Zerrat and I were discussing yet another follow-up piece to this and decided to just seal the deal with everything in one fic. Odd chapters are hers and even are mine.

In the empty hallway, Four's heartbeat was a drum sounding the retreat, a steady one-two, notes long and solemn. She sucked in mouthfuls of air, thick with the scent of sweat and sex and summerwine, but for all her gasping, her chest still constricted painfully. If she had any strength left in her leaden limbs, she would have fled, would have run to the ends of the earth so long as she was anywhere but here— _with Five_. 

Five combed through her hair tenderly for all the golden strands that had been pulled from her own scalp. She pressed fleeting kisses to her temple, her cheek, and had it been anyone else, it might have been welcome, but Five's touch was heat, fire; it couldn't soothe. It only inflamed. 

"If only you'd shown me sooner," Five cooed. Four couldn't raise her eyes from her sister's collarbone, her face flushed with shame. "We could have been getting along ages ago."

It was all she could do to twist her head away, biting her lip an keeping her eyes to the floor. "Get off me," she whispered softly.

Five's grasp around her waist was impossibly strong, the hand that had touched her hair so lovingly a noose at the back of her neck. The sound Five made was all disappointment. "Back at it already? I know you're not the good girl, Four. Give it a rest."

The scent of her was overpowering, and where their skin met, Four could feel her sister's pulse, the erratic beats of her song set to double-time. It was wrong. It was all wrong. "Let go," she hissed, pushing against her sister. Five was too close, too strong, too warm. Four could scarcely breathe. " _Let go_."

"Who are you trying to fool?"

Four thrashed against her, but there was nothing to hit, no space to fight. Nothing existed between them but heat and song, and Four couldn't hit her, couldn't crush her skull or cave her rib cage, only pull at her, dig her nails in, let her song spike in her throat. Five's grip was a vice: inescapable. Eyes bore into her from above, and Four finally had to look, her lips pulled back into a snarl, vision blurring with the wretched tears that pricked at her eyes. Her sister was right there, her breath hot against Four's lips, and her gaze was dark like ritual fires in the night. 

" _Well_?"

"Shut up!" Four shrieked. 

The great iron doors of One's library grated against the marble floors as they opened, but only Five looked away. Four grit her teeth, blinking back her shame, and watched as Five's expression changed; she smiled easily where before there had only been the weight of her gaze. Her hold became loose,  _kind_. 

"One," she hummed. "I believe we were just discussing you."

Four wrenched herself away from Five, her cheeks burning, and turned to find the shade of her sister looking at them both with eyes like ice. She couldn't look. Four swallowed thickly and took a shuddering breath. What explanation could she give? What could she say to make this right, just? She shivered as One's gaze passed over her like a judgement. 

"Four," One said tonelessly. Four felt her song flare, panicked. "Would you join me in the library?"

"No invitation for me? How cruel. I won't even be able to listen in." Five pouted and laid a heavy hand on the back of Four's neck. The noose pulled tight, and Four felt all the air rush out of her even as she jerked away. "Perhaps we ought to speak here. You  _are_  interrupting, after all."

One's expression didn't change, but Four managed to find her voice. "No she's  _not_."

"Oh come on, dear sister. We were just about to get to the root of things—

"Five," One warned quietly, though her voice resonated song. 

Four cowed at the sound of it, ducking away from Five and crossing the hallway, uncomfortably aware of the wetness between her tingling thighs. She couldn't look at One, and so the only thing to do was glance at Five from behind her older sister. 

The shadows were drawn around Five's features, her smile a jagged line. She was putting on pleasantries, but her tongue was a blade, ready to taste blood. Hers or One's, Four didn't know. The only thing Four did know was the sight of her stupid, vapid sister with her fangs bared, song humming dangerously, sent an awful, warm shiver through her. 

"I'll follow in a moment," One said, and Four swore— _prayed—_ there was some warmth in her tone, even a little.

Four knew a dismissal when she heard one—especially coming from One. Her throat tightened, but she bowed her head and retreated into the library. The doors groaned, the ancient gears clicking at they closed behind her, and Four turned to watch, her view of One and Five narrowing to a sliver. One strode towards Five, and Five snapped her teeth in a vicious smile, her voice carrying between the doors, "Just us? Oh sister, you know Four will seethe—"

The library sealed with a little hiss of air between the closing doors. Four struggled for air, the library thick with dust and age. One knew, she knew, she knew—Four's chest tightened, Five's arms imagined around her. Four swayed on the spot, pressing a steadying hand to the cold iron of the door and feeling—feeling song. The door hummed with it, but none made it into the library. 

Four gnawed her lip. She ought to have hurried further within, preparing herself for One, preparing her explanation. She couldn't stop herself though. She leaned forward and pressed an ear to the door. 

"— _your sister_."

"And yours too. If you'd seen her face coming out of your library—well, I guess you did, didn't you? When did you become so heartless, hm?"

"You took advantage of the situation, Five."

"You act like I was the one with fingers down her—"

Four tore herself away from the great iron doors, stomach twisting with heat and shame. Worse, Five's words brought the memory of fumbling fingers and the taste of blood on her lips to the fore of Four's mind, and she felt—she felt her thighs twitch, remembered pleasure enticing even with the weight of her shame. She retreated to the shelves where One spent her days and nights. The piles of books and scrolls surrounded the ancient desk, heavy with the weight of papers and inkwells and texts so old they weren't even the same language. 

She would have known this to be One's workplace even if she hadn't just been here. Four's scroll laid atop the stack of papers, unopened, unread. Four looked away, the hurt of it all rising swiftly in her throat. She turned her back on the desk and crouched low, hugging herself against the tears the threatened to fall. She couldn't cry. One wouldn't cry. 

Five's words slithered through her mind, a serpent's hiss, but she couldn't make it stop.  _Who are you trying to fool? You aren't the good girl_.

As much as it shamed her—and what didn't now—a choking sob rose in her throat. Four pulled her glove from her coat pocket and yanked it on, and she pressed her forehead to her knees, wishing for Five's blood. She wanted her bruised and bloody. She wanted her begging. A thousand deaths wouldn't be enough; Five deserved one million for the way she corrupted everything she touched. Corrupted One. Corrupted  _her_. 

"It's all her fault," she whispered. Four had been doing so well. She'd been so dutiful. "She ruined  _everything_."

The library doors gave Four plenty of time to prepare herself. One worked far back between the shelves, and her sanctuary was blessedly out of sight. She rose and wiped at her face as her sister's steps echoed through the massive space. She couldn't banish her frown, but her eyes were clear were One finally appeared around the corner of a shelf. 

"One," Four choked. "I never meant... Five doesn't—We just talked. Five was being so lewd, and I just wanted her to stop."

One's mouth slanted unhappily, wearily. She touched her temple carefully, but her eyes weren't nearly so empty when Four actually met them. Her gait was stiff, but she stopped before Four and hesitated before touching her shoulder. "I'm sorry," she said, and Four's heart beat wildly just at the weight of her hand upon her shoulder. "She shouldn't have pushed you."

Four nodded stiffly after a moment. A good sister would have accepted the apology with grace, but her mouth was dry, thoughts swirling at the faint touch. The last time One had actually laid hands on her had been month's before Zero's assault. 

One's gaze was steadfast, and Four could feel her cheeks warming again. She glanced to the ground as One told her, "I'm going to schedule your comings and goings from Cathedral City around each other. Five... Will be returning to the Land of Seas soon—"

"No!" Four cut her off before she could stop herself. One looked at her strangely, and Four fidgeted under her gaze. She had never interrupted her before. "I don't... If you need me here... I don't mind being near Five. We just talked."

The lie was useless, but it wasn't One she was trying to deceive. 

One nodded. "Very well. Would you... Like to stay with me until Five has departed?"

"Yes." The words were out of her mouth before she could even think to hide the spike of her song. She sounded desperate even to her own ears. "If you need me. I want to help."

One turned and nodded, pulling her hand away. The loss reverberated through Four, but One motioned for her to follow, and there was no denying One. The library was massive, stretching beneath the keep for miles. It was amazing that One could find her way around at all, but her steps were sure as she led Four farther back, slipping into an alcove between a thick stone pillar and a case of scrolls and parchments. There, someone had dragged a daybed, the red upholstery worn and faded to a dusty maroon. Stands of glass encased tallow candles—the same kind that kept the library lit without endangering the texts within—flickered at each end, and thick woolen pillows piled against its back. Quilts or faded whites and dusty browns draped across it, and as ever, there were stacks of books scattered nearby. 

One settled into a niche in the cushions made into her shape, her hands in her lap, her legs crossed at the ankle before her. "There are nights I don't wish to leave the library," she explained. 

"Oh," Four said. How sensible.  "Of course."

She stood by until One patted the spot next to her, and then nearly knocked into a pile of texts trying to pick her way to the daybed. She sat as close as she dared to One, but it was One who lightly touched Four between the shoulder blades and bid her closer. Four was sure she was dreaming when One let her rest her head in her lap, fingers grazing over the unruly hair at the base of her skull. Her face felt hot, and she was thankful One could not see her expression. 

The last time One had touched her so had been... During the rebellion. Moments like these were snatched between battles and peace-talks, and Four treasured every one. She'd never dreamed it would ever happen again. 

"There is always so much to do," One began, and Four swallowed, rubbing her calves against one another. "With Zero's assault, I've been fielding reports and organizing troops in response to spottings for days. And Two... She's returned to the Land of Sands to deal with a wolf infestation in a small town despite my need of her here. Men and women within my own servitude go missing during Five's parties, and I don't want to believe... Three has been too busy, and I am fearful for what she does when I cannot see her..."

One's voice was always calm, deliberate. Now she sounded exhausted—like she hadn't slept in days. 

"The children left from the war arrive in droves everyday, but there is almost too many of them to feed. I fear soon our stores will deplete completely, and there will be no food for anyone. And the texts... They speak of destruction and death. The world swallowed and at the hands of... Of..."

Her hands stilled against Four's skin, and Four tilted her head, chancing a glance at her sister. 

The shadows beneath One's eyes betrayed her sleeplessness, and her tip lipped frown looked nearly like despair. Four blinked, trying to understand what she saw, but there was nothing to be made of it. One didn't make faces like that. One kept her head up, eyes level; she met everyone eye to eye no matter how they towered over her. Even Five... Even  _Zero_.

"I  _am_  sorry," One settled on finally. "There has been so much to do, but I have been... Negligent. I should not have turned you away like that."

"It's okay," Four says automatically, and she almost wishes she hadn't. "You have so much to do and no one to help you."

The fingers at the back of her head stirred once more, and One gently pulled the hair ties from Four's pigtails, letting her too straight hair fall limply around her. She squeezed her thighs together, warmth pooling in her gut at the feel of One's fingers in her hair. She knew One wouldn't...  _Didn't_... Not even with Five. But she still hoped. This was right. This was what should have happened from the beginning. 

Four turned her head, heart pounding in her ears, and pressed a kiss to her sister's thigh. She tasted like the library, her tights silky beneath Four's lips. 

"Four." There was no desire there. No heat. Nothing that Four prayed for. She sounded exasperated, disappointed. "You know I'm not interested."

"Of course not! I didn't mean anything like that. I just—I'm so happy you're telling me all of this. I only want to make things easier on you."

A lie never tasted so bitter on Four's tongue. 

One didn't reply. She leaned back into the cushions and stroked Four's hair, her touch never wandering. There was affection there, but not the sort Four craved, not the sort that had driven her to Five in the first place. Still, it was more than she'd gotten from One in months—years. She buried her face into One's legs and gripped at the blanket beneath them both, closing her eyes because there was just too much at once. Five and One and... 

And no matter what, Five's words remained. 

One bent her head and pressed her lips to the back of Four's head. "I always love you, Four. You are my sister."

It was almost enough.


End file.
